Goodbye 2009

Today is New Year's Eve. Lots of people take this day to think back about what has happened this year, and I guess I'm no exception.

In all honesty, 2009 has been a year full of despair with little tiny bits of hope poking through now and then. In January of this year, I made a very difficult decision which I don't really feel like elaborating on, but to this day, nearly 365 days later, I still wonder if I made the right choice. My birthday was in February, but it wasn't very happy other than getting to go to a nice restaurant. When you realize that adulthood is sneaking up on you, and that soon you're going to be making more difficult decisions than what I had to do in January, it's very difficult to feel any happy emotion. In March, I took the SAT, and scored well enough.

In April, I learned finally what was wrong with me medically. I had anticipated something like this, but it didn't make it any easier to accept. Finding out something like this... I felt like a failure, like it was my fault, even though I had nothing to do with it. It's like, you think that the only thing you'll be able to do in the future is work at Wal-Mart or McDonald's.

May and June seemed to go by very fast. I do not remember very much about them.

July I spent a very lonely Fourth of July. Oh, I had my friends around, but it was still depressing. We lit off fireworks, but the only thing I cared about was getting the whole thing over with, and I like fireworks.

I do not remember much about August. In September, I went back to school, preparing myself for another despair-filled school year, and so far, it has not disappointed. The one good thing about September? I went to the state fair and got to nom on a fried candy bar. Maybe I'll be able to tell my grandchildren about that, after the Health and Safety Brigade bans sweets. It was delicious, and I still have dreams about eating that stuff.

October was one of the happiest months of my life. I went to Disney World for the first time in my life, and I went to the seaside. I really enjoyed my time there, and it was one of the few bright spots in an otherwise bleak year, so it will probably have a special spot in my heart.

November was filled with college applications. Never mind that I'm not even sure if I really want to go to college, it's what's expected of me, so I filled them out, not sure if I was doing the right thing. Remember how I said the thing about decisions? This is another one that I'm not sure if I want to have to make. Besides, I'm not sure if I'll even be able to pursue my first-choice course of study because of my test scores. I don't know why I don't just give up and go to cosmetology school.

December, which ends today, was more of the same, with the exception of Christmas. Which I love. But other than that, the month was pretty boring.

Let's hope that 2010 is better than 2009. I don't think I can survive another year like this without losing my mind.